On the day my daughter crapped herself at Woollies

We were at the Woollies checkout last week when my 3 year old daughter loudly announced that she was “crapping” herself.   She’d been playing happily with her little brother, who was wedged in the front of the trolley.  I’d been merrily unstacking the goods, quite enjoying the sound of their giggles until that auspicious moment.   As other parents looked on in amusement I started limply covering her mouth with one hand and grabbing at her pants with the other, while shrieking “where did you learn that word?” in that “it couldn’t possibly have been from me” way that you do.  I was panicking, looking for the exits, and wondering what to do with a half full trolley of groceries when she said “I made Bubby crap himself too”.  I stopped:  something was wrong with that sentence.  “What does crap mean?”  I asked her suspiciously.  “I made him laugh. He’s crapping himself up.”   CRACKING, child, it’s CRACKING!!!   Of course the thought of it did indeed crack me up by the time we got home, but I was mortified in the moment.

I have learned to really love the way that kids experiment with language.  My oldest daughter had a slight stammer and a lispy ‘S’ when she was younger and, as you do with your oldest child, I whisked her off for speech therapy expecting extensive corrective intervention.   We only had one session in the end, and the few tips we learned there were enough for us to fix the problems within a couple of months.  In hindsight, my concerns were probably an overreaction and a consequence of the desperate parental desire for our kids to be perfect.

My little crapper is quite articulate, but still wipes her face with a mapkin and has day trips to the newseum.  I won’t be getting any therapy for her because 1) I’m sure these things will pass and 2) it’s actually pretty cute.

As for bubby number 3, well he’s showing very little interest in speech.  He can say a sweet little version of “Dad dad dad” and a heinous shrieking version of “Muuuuuum” at nap time, but those things never really change much do they? He has two sisters who rarely pause long enough to draw breath, despite minor mispronunciations, so he will be lucky to get a word in before he’s 2 anyway.  He will instead communicate by stealth – cautiously sneaking into their rooms to rip books and eat Lego.  I caught him belting a fairy wand against the Disney Princess toy box just this morning.

A friend recently shared the tale of her son whose deceased relative had sadly gone to ‘Kevin’s’.  My niece has a best friend whose name, she swears, is Cordial. There comes a point where it’s not really worth correcting these things as they not only represent our kids’ growing linguistic independence, but they actually make parenthood a lot more tolerable!  You’ve got to laugh some days, don’t you, or you’d cry?  I say make the most of those chances for a laugh.  Laugh until you’re crapping yourself!

17 comments for “On the day my daughter crapped herself at Woollies

  1. Kirsty
    March 20, 2012 at 12:10 am

    Aahahahahaha! Crapping myself right now!

  2. Wanda
    March 20, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Great Lara! Made me laugh. I remember Bailey coming and telling us he did a “tickle”. We asked “what, a tickle?” and got a vehement “NO, a tigger!” After a bunch of questions we finally figured it out. A Tigger…Winnie the Pooh…a poo. We still call it tigger to this day! :-)

    • March 20, 2012 at 3:11 am

      That’s funny Wanda. Yeah I can see ‘crapping myself up’ becoming one of those in jokes that will carry on being used by our family too.

  3. March 20, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Ha ha Lara! That is hysterical! Thanks, I needed a laugh today!

  4. Kasper Beaumont
    March 20, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Great article. PMSL. :-)

  5. Belinda B
    March 20, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Out of the mouth of babes!!!! Just got to love young children. I have so many laughable moments from what the children say. That’s one of the parts I love about my job. Thanks for making me giggle :)

  6. Lee Read
    March 21, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Great read – thanks! My eldest (9) loves garlic bread and always has. When younger he used to call it “garbage bread”. Its become a bit of a family joke when we go to restaurants etc.

    • March 22, 2012 at 1:23 am

      That’s great Lee. As long as the waiter doesn’t hear I guess!

  7. Ali
    March 27, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I so needed that….still crapping!!!!

  8. April 7, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Oh Lara that’s priceless – love it!!! Crapping myself right now ;)
    Glad to see you can keep a sense of humour, an essential ingredient for parenting isn’t it??
    Carla

    • April 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

      Laughter is essential, for sure. Writing a blog doesn’t hurt either – at least I know other parents can relate!

  9. Megan
    June 11, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Love it!! Made me laugh out loud!

  10. November 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Oh dear… yes it sure did make me smile…
    I can only imagine that at the time you wanted the floor to swallow you up!!

    We used to have Omo in the house – it was Elmo ..
    And we had to open the mangoes to let the fresh air in..

    Really such precious. precious memories arent they?

    • This Charming Mum
      November 5, 2012 at 5:08 am

      Opening the mangoes! That’s very sweet. They are precious moments – though it doesn’t always feel that way at the time!

  11. December 29, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Very, very funny, trying to tell my wife Kim about it, had me crapping myself up as well.

    The problem is not being able to record everything they say and do, they are so funny but you get worried you will forget.

    • This Charming Mum
      December 30, 2012 at 1:21 pm

      That’s one good thing about blogging – a permanent record of those weird little moments in life! Although there is never time to write down, record or photograph all the amazing/ridiculous things they do is there? As you say, I guess you have to try to commit them to memory :)

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